Hello. I’m writing you because I’ve written to Buddy already and there’s no one to share my heart with.
I lay in bed last night in the dark and whispered my “Angel’s Lullaby” to Buddy. I missed him so terribly. I fell asleep crying. Today, while trying to keep busy, I was cleaning out drawers and came across the papers from Royal Mortuary, which I’d never read entirely. So, I opened the envelope and read everything. Of course, I cried. Then, I had to look at pictures of Buddy that will eventually go into a scrapbook. What a wonderful little boy he was. And so, so handsome! And, there were pictures to remind me of how much that little guy loved me. And how, oh how I loved him. Marian, I never thought he would die. It was something I just never thought of. Buddy was supposed to live forever. Even as the years went by and he became old and crotchety, I didn’t believe he would die. It wasn’t until the day before he died, when he started to have seizures, that I knew he’d be leaving.
I still think I’m going to see him, or wake up from this bad dream and find him with me, healthy and young again. Where did he go? How can I find him? God, I wish God would give him back to me, healthy and whole. But, that’s the selfish side of me. Wherever he is, I pray every day that he is safe, happy and whole again. I don’t want him to come back reincarnated, as my daughter says he will, because that would mean he has to die again. No, I want him to be in a forever place of light and joy.
So today, I’m having a really hard time accepting that he’s gone forever, and no matter how hard I look for him, he isn’t here. His little spirit is, of course, but I’m human. I’d love to see him, feel him, hear his purr. I will move through this, as I have so many days in the recent past. I also understand that my life has been forever changed.
Love, Lyn
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